HEAVEN ARCHIVES

But, God, You don't feel the hot tears falling on your flesh from your daughters, as I do, because they live in deadly, daily fear of their father who stole them away. You exist in a lofty place where flesh and broken hearts don't exist. You can't hold my daughters in earthly arms and absorb their sobs like I do. You don't have a mother's throat that is strangled with powerlessness. You speak in beautiful metaphors that are lovely when the going's great. Unfortunately, I am in a very different setting. I understand, and indeed have experienced, the mystical things you speak of. However, I fear You underestimate the power of this stage we live upon. It's easy for You to dismiss what I'm saying. I may seem shallow and uncomprehending compared to the vastness of which You speak. I get it, and I know You'll slam me for this, but I really have to wonder if You get it.

Beloved, this extraordinary thing called life has slammed you. I will not. Even if you think I am the Cause of the heartache that has befallen you, are you really so sure that I would slam you for expressing your deep grief and pain to Me? To Whom should you express it if not to Me? The court did not listen. The mediator did not listen. Your children's father certainly did not listen. And you feel I do not listen either. Do you feel that I do not care? Do you feel that I really do not look after you and your angel daughters? Do you really believe that I have abandoned you, washed My hands, that I don't care and that it doesn't matter if I do or not anyway, as if it makes no difference?

Even if you concede that I am not the Cause of your situation, your heart rails against Me for having allowed it. Why, your aching heart asks, how I could ever have let this happen?

Why does God allow the innocent to suffer? Where is there injustice and inequity in the world, your mother's heart asks. And why, oh, why, your little lambs in particular?

Do you feel that it is My intent for you and your little daughters to suffer and their father to exalt himself? Do you think that is My wish? I take responsibility for Creation. I am responsible for creating the Universe and you and your former husband and your beautiful daughters. I am responsible for the set-up that allows My children to go places and to live in the world as they choose, even when they choose from ignorance and what is called greed, selfishness, and hardheartedness.

Would you really wish that I take away free will from My children? Should I take it away from just some and not others? Of course, you want good to always triumph, and ill to go away. How could you not. But no longer think that I sit up here in some fabulous place, plotting or allowing horrors to fall upon you.

It is not possible in Human terms to follow a progression of events and pinpoint the reasons. And if it were, there is no point. You cannot undo your marriage to this man, nor would you if it meant your girls would not exist either. If you had never met him, had not done or said this and that and if you had had more money and if your former husband were not who he is and did not have the money he has and if you had not precepted a court proceeding, this current grief for you and your daughters would not have happened. My dearest child, it is not a question of blame. You did not have to marry this man. I did not make you. Nor do you know what another road in life would have taken you.

I agree with you that life is not always fair. I also do not think you are being fair to Me. But that is no matter. That washes off, but awareness of your pain lingers with Me, beloved. Your joy is Mine, and your pain is too. I feel your heart, and I feel your confusion. I would like to remove them. Without reproach to you, My beloved, you are the one who has to let pain and confusion go. I work with you. I cannot do it for you.

Darling child, I am not trying to convert you to anything but peace.

Continue to suffer if you must. You feel you have no choice. Your girls are suffering, and it makes no sense to you on any level. Surely no one on earth understands the mechanics and downtimes of life. The harried mind certainly cannot figure it out. There are some things that can only be taken on faith.

Have a little faith, or a little idea, that your life will sort itself. Even from dry soil, good things can grow. During all this turmoil and deprivation, your daughters are gaining growth, and you are too. You are three magnificent Human Beings from whom great things will come. Play with this idea for a while.

Are you and your daughter's lives hard in terms of the world? Yes, they are. Have you been given a great blow? Yes, you have. Are you all always going to be miserable? No. Would you change things if you could? Yes. Can you change the outer circumstances right now? No. What can you change, beloved Ruby? Find that which to be glad for. Your daughters have life, and they have promise. Life has given you more than crumbs, and there is more goodness to come.

You have been given a situation that is most difficult in life. That it is difficult has been established. Now We must go on from there.

Do not think I skip over your heartache lightly. I say you have to find other ways of looking at your situation. And I say this situation is not forever, and I have told you more in the past that you have not accepted. Perhaps you listened, but you did not accept.

I am not hard-hearted, nor am I a cad. I am all you want Me to be, and I am more.

Goodness in life is spread out before you. The terrain will change. You and your daughters will be reclaimed, and you will restore yourself to Me and know that I am not an enemy but a Friend.

I bless you right now. Receive My blessings. My hand is on your heart, and I ease some of the clamping. I reach into your heart and pull away some of the black threads that you have tied it up with. Let go, My beloved. Let go.

There's the pinch … let go. of my daughters? I have lost everything else too, and truly, I don't care. But let go of my daughters? That's the one thing I haven't a clue how to do.

I haven't for a moment blamed You. I see only too clearly the choices (not so great, many times) I have made; and, yes, it should be so that we have free will. But for the consequences to be so out of balance, that's what I don't "get." And I realize there is no "getting" this situation. I do cry out to You to release this pain; it's all I can do to go on seeing the girls suffer. It's unimaginable and I know you know that. Some days, some moments are better than others. At times like seeing them yesterday for the afternoon, and my trying to comfort their tears and fears — I feel like I fail them over and over again. Watching one daughter curl up in the fetal position because she can't cope is excruciating — I didn't know a 10 year old could be depressed.

Faith … yes, that is what comes and goes for me. It seems slippery and elusive when I most need it. I shudder to think I lack faith when I most need it. That is what I want — faith. I would give up my life in exchange for their well-being. It's astounding to me that I live on; I should have dropped dead when I was told I lost the girls and may see them only 4 nights a month. You say it will not always be this way, and I know this is true. Inside I roar with confidence knowing that the truth will surface, someday, somehow. As I said, though, this knowing comes and goes. I want to immerse myself in faith, inside, like a piece of forever …

My beautiful daughter, hold your daughters dear to you. They are angels who have flown into your heart to stay. They belong in your heart. Have your aim be that they are restored to you in fact. Let go of the unfairness. Let go of their father's lack of good will. Let go of the ugliness of the court. Ease your heart away from all that. Do not keep it to you. Know you can let it go. That does not mean you can erase it, but you can let it go. At first some of it, and gradually more, and then all of it.

Keep thinking of your sweet girls and the love you share. Picture your ten-year-old sitting up and happy. In your mind draw a circle around the girls. This a picture of your love encircling any distance between you and the girls. Fill in the circle with the dust of white chalk, and your beautiful daughters will always be inside your love. Your love cushions them. Love is stronger than anything. It is stronger than the courts and your former husband. It is stronger than all the anguish in your heart.

You are the creator of this picture, and you can put yourself into it as well. Now you are enclosed with your girls in a circle of love, and I take this picture and raise it to My eyes, and I swing this picture of love around the universe. You and your daughters are secured in this love, for I am also in this picture. I am not seen, but I am in it and I also surround all of it.

When you find your mind thinking of your former husband, consider that he is in a mirror and you are polishing him in the mirror. You spray the mirror with water, and you rub it down with a soft cloth. In this picture, you are cleansing him from his weakness aggrandized into anger. You are wiping some of the sludge away from him. Then put the mirror away.

When you are haunted with thoughts about the court and the psychologists, picture them on a dais held in your hand, and it is your hand that keeps raising them higher. Offer them to Me to bless, and you will see that I do, and then you return them to the level of the court from which you raised them.

I do not have to teach you how to love, Emma. You already know how to love.

Now love yourself. You are My daughter, and you have great courage. You are a giver of happiness. Smooth yourself with the soothing cream of your love and Mine.

When your little one lies on the couch in a fetal position, sit down with her and hold her on your lap. Hold both girls.

Picture the girls happy and your living together in easy joy. Picture the smiles. Feel the glow of this image. It will come true. All kinds of good things are going to come true for you and your beautiful daughters, the three of you who are Mine.

I will give you the faith I have in you, Beloved.

Dear God, I feel the power of these words You have bequeathed to me, and I am utterly grateful. Your words feel like cool water on a fevered brow. Thank You. What You say has inspired me to make a vow … to You, to my daughters and to myself. I vow to love first, even in the face of hate. I vow to love first when I'm dragged into the court again next month. I vow to love first when I am afraid. I vow to love when the world around me seems to be crumbling. I can see clearly that my former husband will not rest until I'm dead, and this hurts the girls; they see it, feel it. But I can honestly say, if down is where he drags me, it's going to be with love in my heart. Better that than fear and loathing. I'm going to make a banner and stretch it across my living room: I VOW TO LOVE!